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How to Destroy the Earth

On a lighter note, are you fed up with finan­cial cliffs, end­less fighting in the Middle East, Britney Speare’s latest single and/or global warming? Here is a fun-filled, infor­ma­tive web posting out­lining sev­eral methods which one might employ to destroy the Earth, making all the men­tioned nui­sances (and many, many more) simply go away.

While we are not advo­cating the destruc­tion of the Earth, since, gen­er­ally speaking, that would be “bad,” we find both the method­ology and the macabre wit of this article inter­esting on sev­eral levels.

Anyhow, here is the pre­amble to the article:

Preamble

Destroying the Earth is harder than you may have been led to believe.

You’ve seen the action movies where the bad guy threatens to destroy the Earth. You’ve heard people on the news claiming that the next nuclear war or cut­ting down rain­forests or per­sisting in releasing hideous quan­ti­ties of pol­lu­tion into the atmos­phere threatens to end the world.

Fools.

The Earth is built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more dev­as­tating asteroid hits in its life­time than you’ve had hot din­ners, and lo, it still orbits mer­rily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

This is not a guide for wusses whose aim is merely to wipe out humanity. I (Sam Hughes) can in no way guar­antee the com­plete extinc­tion of the human race via any of these methods, real or imag­i­nary. Humanity is wily and resourceful, and many of the methods out­lined below will take many years to even become avail­able, let alone imple­ment, by which time mankind may well have spread to other planets; indeed, other star sys­tems. If total human geno­cide is your ulti­mate goal, you are reading the wrong doc­u­ment. There are far more effi­cient ways of doing this, many which are avail­able and fea­sible RIGHT NOW. Nor is this a guide for those wanting to anni­hi­late every­thing from single-celled life upwards, render Earth unin­hab­it­able or simply con­quer it. These are trivial goals in comparison.

This is a guide for those who do not want the Earth to be there anymore.

The entire article can be found at How to destroy the Earth @ Things of Interest.

 

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